So, I haven't been too good about writing in here. To be fair, I've been a bit under the weather lately.
Over the past couple of weeks I've been reading *a lot*. I've been reading memoirs of recovery. I realized I don't even know what recovery looks like, what it is. Worse more, I realized I never really recovered myself. Sure, I got to a healthy weight, but the thoughts never went away, the voice in my head never faded, its still there.
And so here I am, doubling down. I also realized maybe I can't do this alone, but that doesn't mean I can't do this. I have the support of my wife, who though she doesn't quite understand what is going on with me, is willing to hear me out and try out the things that might help me in my journey.
I've been researching in network doctors that might be able to help me over this hump. I realize I need a team, one that will calm the beast inside of me, and give me the power I need to overtake it.
All the while, I realize I'm the sole proprietor for our family. I've got a wife and daughter who are counting on me to be able to bring home the money so that we can continue to live in our house, have food on the table (how ironic), and enjoy life.
It's a lot.
I'm not going to lie. Not going to sugar coat it. There have been many times over the past couple of weeks I've seriously been doubting the decision that I made to uproot our family and move so far away from work. Have my wife stay at home with our daughter. Carry the weight of the whole family on my shoulders.
I'm tired.
I don't know the right path forward. I know there is a path forward, and I'll continue to find it one day at a time. Right now, I feel a bit lost...a bit hopeless...but determined to push forward so that I can tame the beast and provide for my family.
One day at a time.
One minute at a time.
Over the past couple of weeks I've been reading *a lot*. I've been reading memoirs of recovery. I realized I don't even know what recovery looks like, what it is. Worse more, I realized I never really recovered myself. Sure, I got to a healthy weight, but the thoughts never went away, the voice in my head never faded, its still there.
And so here I am, doubling down. I also realized maybe I can't do this alone, but that doesn't mean I can't do this. I have the support of my wife, who though she doesn't quite understand what is going on with me, is willing to hear me out and try out the things that might help me in my journey.
I've been researching in network doctors that might be able to help me over this hump. I realize I need a team, one that will calm the beast inside of me, and give me the power I need to overtake it.
All the while, I realize I'm the sole proprietor for our family. I've got a wife and daughter who are counting on me to be able to bring home the money so that we can continue to live in our house, have food on the table (how ironic), and enjoy life.
It's a lot.
I'm not going to lie. Not going to sugar coat it. There have been many times over the past couple of weeks I've seriously been doubting the decision that I made to uproot our family and move so far away from work. Have my wife stay at home with our daughter. Carry the weight of the whole family on my shoulders.
I'm tired.
I don't know the right path forward. I know there is a path forward, and I'll continue to find it one day at a time. Right now, I feel a bit lost...a bit hopeless...but determined to push forward so that I can tame the beast and provide for my family.
One day at a time.
One minute at a time.
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